I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
