Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you will always have a special place in my vag
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
