Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
