Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
