If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
