You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
