We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
