I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
