they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
