can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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