My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He passed out mid-signature
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
