i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just googled if crying burns calories
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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