I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Panties = found
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
