Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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