Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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