i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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