Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
