in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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