Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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