Don't you send me to vm
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
