I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
