Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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