Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize