Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
They should really pass out barf bags in church
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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