She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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