Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
