successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
