I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
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I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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