He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
