These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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