Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
