It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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