a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
