TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize