we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
