I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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