apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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