I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
