if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
