it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
