Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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