im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So many bounce houses so little time
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
