im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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