Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
