I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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