I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We left the knife in your bed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
