apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
