I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
