in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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