Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
