If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
