Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
