Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
