he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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