I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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