In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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