need another drink. this is the easiest way
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
