sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
