FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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