need another drink. this is the easiest way
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize