my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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