Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
