Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
