one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
