Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
