I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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