I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
