I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
