At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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