ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
