im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize