I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
