some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
