I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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