the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
