It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
