i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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