Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
