Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
