i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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