guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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