explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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