He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
