i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
