Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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