4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
