i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
