it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
